Tag Archives: Behavior

Developing family rules

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Courtesy Michigan State University Extension

By Kylie Rymanowicz, Michigan State University Extension

 

Setting family rules is the first step to establishing boundaries for your child’s behavior. Rules tell your children what you value, what is important to you and your family. When rules are enforced, it is an opportunity for children to practice making decisions and dealing with the consequences of their choices. Boundaries that you set will help guide your child’s behavior.

 

Michigan State University Extension has some tips to help set and enforce family rules.

 

Keep the rules simple. The more complicated a rule, the harder it is to remember. Keep your rules short and simple so it is easier for young children to learn and remember. Rules for young children should be very easy to understand and there should be as few rules as possible.

 

Make sure rules are enforceable. Rules or boundaries should be connected to consequences, or what will happen if the rule is broken. Set consequences that are fair and reasonable and give your child the opportunity to learn to make better choices in the future.

 

Enforce rules consistently. If a rule is only enforced some of the time, your child will notice and they will learn that the rule doesn’t need to be followed. Make sure you enforce rules consistently and as soon as possible. This helps build a cause-and-effect relationship for your child (if I do this, then this will happen). This will help them learn to make better choices in the future.

 

Remind the rule. Kids need lots of reminders about rules and boundaries. Post a picture chart for your family rules in the house where your child will be able to see them regularly. Remind your child of the rules often, and give the warnings so they have the opportunity to change their behavior before facing consequences.

 

Remember that rules are for everyone. If you set a rule for your family and you break it, you are sending a message to your child that you do not value that rule. It’s important to practice what you preach and impact upon your child that the rule is so important, even you will follow it.

 

Family rules can help calm the chaos and set limits that will help your child understand boundaries and learn to make good choices.

 

For more articles on child development, academic success, parenting and life skill development, please visit the Michigan State University Extension website.

 

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to MSU Extension programs, read our 2017 impact report. Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2017, can be downloaded from the Michigan 4-H website.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

What causes children to misbehave?

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By Tracie Abram, Michigan State University Extension

 

Summertime is depicted as a laid-back joyful season, when in fact for many, it is the opposite. Summertime for families of small children means added expenses of childcare or having to pay for additional meals that normally were less expensive due to school meal plans. Summertime generally means an interruption in routine. Children may be up later and therefore not getting enough sleep and possibly skipping meals or not eating as well due to busier schedules. Having a basic understanding of what triggers children to misbehave will help keep homes happy and safe.

 

One basic understanding is that children (and adults too) will misbehave when they are hungry, angry, lonely/bored or tired (HALT). People will not have as much tolerance and be more irritable when they are hungry, angry or not feeling well. If you or your children are experiencing any of these emotions or feelings halt what you are doing and tend to that need before moving on.

 

Another reason why children misbehave is that they may not fully understand the request. For an example, if you ask the child to calm down they may not understand that you mean and how to actually calm themselves. This is also an example of a lack of experience. Children do not have the experiences that adults have. It takes time for a child to fully develop problem solving and communication skills.

 

The practice of mindfulness can teach children and adults how to calm their minds and bodies to find a feeling of balance or confidence. Mindfulness is a practice of paying attention to your senses in the current moment without judgement. It is about being present and acknowledging the moment to moment experiences. Mindfulness helps develop focus and self regulation. When practiced regularly, the events that require acute attention will be less stressful because your body and mind have been conditioned to work together in paying attention.

 

Another reason children may misbehave is because their behaviors are accidently rewarded by adults. An example is when children wait to do something an adult asks of them until the adults tone of voice increases or that crying and whining gets a parents attention. Children also copy what they see others doing.

 

Sometimes children do things they know are wrong such as testing the rules, and showing independence. Nobody likes to be told what to do all the time and not have any choices. Children are learning how to do many things at a fast rate and they need to be able to show off what they have learned or can do.

 

When you or your children are showing one or more of these seven triggers, be mindful and acknowledge what you notice in a tone that will teach, guide and train your children.

  • Hunger, anger, lonely/bored, tired or sickness
  • Don’t understand the rules
  • Lack of experience
  • Misbehavior was accidentally rewarded
  • Testing the rules
  • Copying others
  • Showing independence

If you are struggling with understanding your children’s behavior, Michigan State University Extension has programming that can help.  Nurturing Families, RELAX: Alternatives to Anger, and Stress Less with Mindfulness are programming series that have been successful in helping many parent-child and family relationships. Peruse their website for programming near you.

 

This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

The downside to spanking (there is no upside)

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By Vivian Washington, Michigan State University Extension

 

Early childhood development experts have long discouraged using corporal punishment on children. Corporal punishment is when an adult deliberately hits, spanks or causes pain when trying to correct a child’s behavior. Adults often confuse physical punishment with discipline. They do not understand how trauma from physical punishment affects the child.

 

According to the American Psychological Association’s article, “The case against spanking,” physical punishment can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury and mental health problems for children. Spanking may stop the child’s misbehavior in the short term, but is ineffective in producing positive, long-term results.

 

University of Missouri researchers have found that physical discipline experienced during infancy can negatively impact temperament and behavior among children in the fifth grade and into their teenage years. This was especially true for African American children who experienced severe punishment at 15 months of age. They were more likely to exhibit increased aggressive and delinquent behaviors and less likely to show positive behaviors. European-American children did not show a link between punishment and negative emotions. However, if these children were displaying negative emotions, such as irritability, then their long-term behavior was similar to African American children.

 

Michigan State University Extension offers the following guidelines to caregivers of children. These positive discipline tips will help to develop the desired behaviors to children:

  • Give clear directions.
  • Give directions one at a time or in age-appropriate doses.
  • Help children see how their actions affect others.
  • Focus on the desired results.
  • Expect the best from the child.
  • Notice and praise good behaviors.
  • Say “yes” as often as possible.
  • Show you care.
  • Set a good example—be a good role model.
  • Encourage children to express their feelings in words.
  • Understand child development and age-appropriate expectations.
  • Have a plan for anticipated problems.
  • Develop routines.
  • Listen to children.
  • Be age appropriate.
  • Make rules simple and enforceable.
  • Make as few rules as possible.
  • Enforce rules consistently.

To learn about the positive impact children and families experience due to Michigan State University Extension programs, read our 2016 Impact Reports: “Preparing young children for success” and “Preparing the future generation for success.” Additional impact reports, highlighting even more ways Michigan 4-H and MSU Extension positively impacted individuals and communities in 2016, can be downloaded from the MSU Extension website.

 

This article was originally published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit http://www.msue.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit http://expert.msue.msu.edu, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).

 

Reprinted with permission from Michigan State University Extension.